Being a Single Mom......Caffeine

I written before about being a Single Mom (in my old Blog) but I need to bring it up again because I was more or less asked out on a date...with my ex from school. Now, I am interested but, I don't know if I can take that step again to get involved again...I mean I LOVE My Freedom and I don't know if I can give and sacrifice so much and not get anything in return again...I gave everything, every ounce I could to my husband and look it where our relationship is? On top of that I am not even divorced and I don't know if I can do that...he is in Mexico and I am sure he could get married and live his perfect life only his mother dreamed of...anyway, my ex asked me out the day I graduated...he told me he still had feelings for me and I do too but OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I just cannot take this...it is mostly physical and emotional that takes a place in this moment...at least I like to believe that it is all it is...I was going to call him today and I just decided not too. I am suppose to hang out with him and his friends anyway some time. Being a Single Mom and dating is just completely different than just being a girl and dating. There is a whole lot more to think about. Would if he just wants to use me? I feel like I am a little vulnerable right now. I am a smart girl and I always used to tell him straight...I feel confused and what one part of me wants the other part of me doesn't want. Usually the other part wins. Plus another part of me still wants and believes in this fantasy that my husband and I will one day reunite even though he is in Mexico and I am here. Sick isn't it? He wasn't a bad person. His mother just influenced him too much.

Caffeine, I love my cup of coffee in the morning and then I love my Dr. Pepper/Coke in the afternoon...I feel so guilty though and I try to quit drinking so much Caffeine anytime. But I cannot help it. I hate to use the word "addicted" but that is sometimes how I feel. Plus do you know what it does to your skin? I am going to start drinking Sprite or juice because it is rediculous how much we consume of coke products.