Sunday, November 28, 2004

My Thoughts

I love to write in Bold, one day on a message board someone asked me why I always type in bold and I said because I just feel like it.



I was watching the movie "Something's Gotta Give" with Diane Keaton, Keanu Reeves and Jack Nicolson and watching Diane Keaton's character reminded me of me. Her personality, thoughts and feelings but just an older version. That is a very good movie, I just missed the ending though...save it for another day. The story line is based on falling in love and how it is the absoute best and worst thing for you, I still don't think I could do it again...but it is true, you have complete control when you are living alone and living life how you enjoy it and then if you let someone else comes along, you have no control over anything.



I love to be in control and I don't think I could let go of that again, I think my ex from Job Corps understands me a little bit and probably won't try to take things as far as say "seeing each other" I especially don't want to see a man if he feels sympathony or a need to be a hero and save you from being a Single Mom. That happened with the guy I was seeing after I seperated from My Husband, at least that is how I felt, well actually I think he wanted me to save him from his bar hopping sex (oops, can I use the word?) binges. Anyway, there are a lot more women out there now who feel the way I do...especially if they have been married once already.



Tomorrow I am going to seek Employment, I am kind of scared of the idea of working from home, doesn't that sound crazy? Especially since I am working on the Internet just so I could be at home! I found a Job in DWS that needs someone to work from home and I am going to call Monday and I am also going to call Employment services again. Now that it seems more real it just seems harder for me to do, you know I went to all the websites that needed moms from home and I just couldn't get myself to apply, even though I have all the requirements (Computer stuff).



I am getting good at eBay, I sold two items already being a "Newbie" and all. I guess eBay is the best resort when you need fast income. I have my dating site that I need to find my "niche" and I have been talking to my internet marketing coach but I really feel my niche is regular online daters. I don't know it is a big decision and maybe I still need to do some research. It is stressful. Arbonne, I plan to leave catalogs everywhere and throw a party one of these days. Owning a business is quite of an investment, any kind of business. I just hope all this investing pays off. Maybe I just need to plan better and I will get better results.



Hmmmm my thoughts ran out for the night.



Jacquelyn





Friday, November 26, 2004

Day after Turkey Day.....Unemployed

My Personality Disorder Results!
DisorderRating
Paranoid:High
Schizoid:Moderate
Schizotypal:High
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:High
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --



Today was my last day of my wonderful Job! :( I may be called next week or the week after for another project from my Job if not then I need to find Employment. I already called my two temp agencies and told them I needed work and hopefully they will have something for me Monday...I am also going to apply for some Work At Home Jobs. I know of a few places.



I have been also thinking alot about my businesses...I think I really chose some tough ones. But I am going to make it with my ventures, I know I am.



I think that may be all for tonight!


Jacquelyn

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Happy Thanksgiving!

Now I love it, don't get me wrong but it is a very boring day...even visiting with other family members is boring. All you do is cook for 3 hours and then eat for about 15 minutes. I love the food though. What do I have to be thankful for? Hmmm...My Daughter, My Family, Opportunity and the Persuit of Success.



I love the Internet. You can meet people so many differnet ways. You have webcams, chatrooms, hot or not, message boards, dating websites. It is crazy. I met my photographers that way, over a PC!



I love my daughter but she is driving me crazy today. She will not let me do anything, not even sit down. I asked my mom to watch her for a while cause I just cannot take it anymore.



I cannot believe I am hungry again...I think I am going to make me a turkey sandwich. Well instead I cut up veggies for tomorrow's Breakfast party at Work.



I feel old and fat...usually I have a lot better confidence but after I had my daughter and my photoshoot and never leaving the house you start to kind of feel bad but knowing my ex from Job Corps is still interested in me makes me feel good. :)



The oddest thing happened this Thanksgiving...my hard-up, shut-up brother was being sentimental and he talked for hours, I guess living on your own really brings you into Reality and changes you. He is 20. I was suprised and pleased. I have never seen him act in such a way. We discussed a lot of things.



I received my e-pin (signature) and submitted my Financial Aid today for College. The problem I am worried about is I have no financial statements or records of employment for 2003 because I was in Mexico and Pregnant! So, I hope they call me and ask me why or something just so I am not denied aide to go to College. I am excited about starting College in January Online.



I am so happy I am getting Microsoft Office and My Printer. That is the way to do Business! I have some more business ideas but until my businesses began to flourish I am going to hold off on starting yet ANOTHER one. Right now, I am working on My Dating site, Arbonne Skin Care and eBay. I am going to start promoting Arbonne next week and I already have things on eBay and my website I am consistently working on.



Well, it is late and I think I am going to bed.



Good Night and Happy Thanksgiving.



Jaccquelyn





Monday, November 22, 2004

Being a Single Mom......Caffeine

I written before about being a Single Mom (in my old Blog) but I need to bring it up again because I was more or less asked out on a date...with my ex from school. Now, I am interested but, I don't know if I can take that step again to get involved again...I mean I LOVE My Freedom and I don't know if I can give and sacrifice so much and not get anything in return again...I gave everything, every ounce I could to my husband and look it where our relationship is? On top of that I am not even divorced and I don't know if I can do that...he is in Mexico and I am sure he could get married and live his perfect life only his mother dreamed of...anyway, my ex asked me out the day I graduated...he told me he still had feelings for me and I do too but OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I just cannot take this...it is mostly physical and emotional that takes a place in this moment...at least I like to believe that it is all it is...I was going to call him today and I just decided not too. I am suppose to hang out with him and his friends anyway some time. Being a Single Mom and dating is just completely different than just being a girl and dating. There is a whole lot more to think about. Would if he just wants to use me? I feel like I am a little vulnerable right now. I am a smart girl and I always used to tell him straight...I feel confused and what one part of me wants the other part of me doesn't want. Usually the other part wins. Plus another part of me still wants and believes in this fantasy that my husband and I will one day reunite even though he is in Mexico and I am here. Sick isn't it? He wasn't a bad person. His mother just influenced him too much.



Caffeine, I love my cup of coffee in the morning and then I love my Dr. Pepper/Coke in the afternoon...I feel so guilty though and I try to quit drinking so much Caffeine anytime. But I cannot help it. I hate to use the word "addicted" but that is sometimes how I feel. Plus do you know what it does to your skin? I am going to start drinking Sprite or juice because it is rediculous how much we consume of coke products.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

My Graduation

Well today I went to my Graduation at Job Corps, which is where I decided to go after I came back from Mexico (A Long Story for another Day) anyway, I was in Business Technologies (Better office skills training) and I had my Graduation, it was a very quick day and I had asked for the day off but after was the REAL surprise.

My ex, who was the guy I dated the longest while I was there wrote in my year book that he still has feelings for me and before when he signed it he told me to read it after I had left. Woo in my book an Earth Shaker. I am not much of a Dater and at this point in my life could care less about walking down that aisle one more time....I bet you all are thinking...he never said that....no he didn't but in his signature he used the word "future" and naturally he would think the opposite of what I do about Relationships...I don't believe in Commitment anymore but see the 'dumb' side of me sees more then that with him...and plus I think the fact that it has been so long for me and him as well could have something to do with it.

We have ALOT in common. He thinks my daughter is cute. But as far as relationships go, I have issues. I also think he may have alterior motive but then again I think that about everybody. I love being Single again....I think we could probably "see each other" that would work for me. Oh and I broke up with him because it was getting to that point that it could actually turn into a relationship.

Am I wrong? Am I confused? I don't know. Could I see him on a Regular basis? Yes. See I am picky, I couldn't just have a one nighter but I could see myself seeing someone regularly if I knew him well and vice versa.

I had this entry at another blog but I decided to stick with my Original!

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Well.....

I am proud of myself. I finally did some more work on my website and I ordered some supplies for Arbonne business. If I keep it up I may be banking it in a year! :) I used the products, they are specialty skin care products and I think I deserve a little better then dollar skin care creams now. I also have a Perm now, and I love it! Oh and I posted 1 book on Ebay! I want to do it all and I will. I am really depending that my website will go successful for some passive income.


I had my photo shoot today and it was fun. I was too tired, honestly I was happy when it was over. But I still want to continue to do photo shoots, I love to get dressed up and have my picture taken and I would like to have the exposure. The photographer who I worked with a couple of times before that told me he would act as my manager and that he wanted to shoot me nude. My mom and I both agreed that if I am going to do nudity it should be for Playboy or Perfect 10 magazine. That was my whole idea anyway. Plus I don't think I am really in shape yet to pose nude.


Let me see, what else is going on? Oh I ordered a Printer off Ebay and I get it in a couple of days...I have spent so much money, it is crazy! I bought myself a mink throw ($30), skin care products from my Direct Sales Business Arbonne, Checks (I need those), something from Fredericks! I love it though. I feel like I can do anything.



My Job is still going well. I love it, I hope I get employed by the Company by the end of the month. They will be having a Christmas party and I would love to go if they hire me on. Even though I am going on shopping sprees right now, if I get the Job I can start saving up for my own CAR! Then Apartment. But until I know they are hiring me, I am just fine. We are having another pot luck on Friday and this time I want to make something delicious. I am going to my Graduation at Job Corps on the 18th and I am so excited!!! If you want something you know you can make it happen. Everything I ever wanted I made happen. I told everyone at Job Corps, I want a 10 dollar Job and to leave school and come back and Graduate and everyone told me know and that I wouldn't be able too and look I am already doing it! YOU MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!


I cannot believe people have left comments on my blog! Thanks!


I cannot believe that it is almost 2005. Crazy. I LOVE Thanksgiving. I especially LOVE the Turkey, Mashed Potatoes, Stuffing and Cranberry sauce. Yummy! Yummy!


I don't know but I have thought of being on Reality TV but I am sure everyone has. I just think it would interesting thing to do, I just couldn't handle being away from my daughter if I was chosen. I would rather her travel with me anyway if I was going to do any model/acting/tv work at all.


I also want to take a CPR Class, First Aid and maybe a Self-Defense class. Especially before I live by myself. I also want to be able to work from Home. I am still interested in getting involved in Real Estate Investing. Which reminds me, someone from Job Corps was talking to me about a Financial Company called Primerica and now all I hear about is their competitor World Financial Group. It seems every person I talk to is working with WFG. I find that so odd. From my Job Corps Instructor to My co-worker, to someone in the cell phone business! What does that mean??


Anyway, I still miss my husband. He was My Jungito (monkey)! I wonder what kind of chick he is with. I wonder if he at all thinks about me and my daughter. He had done me wrong and I still want to be with him. I must be crazy.


I hope in February I can go to Vegas for a couple of days. I really want to see my dad. Vegas is so crazy though.


I put this cool toy on my Gift Registry @ Walmart for my Daughter. It costs about $50 bucks but it is worth it. I am excited to give it to her for Christmas. I also know what I want to get my dad. A Care Package. I know he needs it and I would send him some special treats and necessities. I hope he is doing ok.

Well I talked enough,
Jacquelyn

Monday, November 01, 2004

It Snowed!

Another Monday morning and I woke up late again! I hate rushing in the morning, I usually like to sip a cup of coffee for about 10 minutes before I go to work. My Job is going well. We had a Halloween Costume Contest on Friday and today we had a Pot Luck. I really enjoy my Call Center job. All the people that call me are so understanding and they appreciate what you do for them.


I have a photoshoot in a couple of weeks and I am also meeting with a Modeling Agent. I already went over the specs and it is not a scam. I am excited, I am going to get my hair done next week and some exposure.


I decided kind of what kind of business I am going to go for. I may combine it with something else. I am still trying to figure out what I am going to do about my website.


I am feeling kind of lonely, and I really hate that! I am also very picky about who I date and their really is no potential out there at all!


More Later
Jacquelyn